June 14, 2013
Judgment vs Judgmentalism
In the past year or so I have been actively observing a rather disturbing trend that I see manifest itself time and time again in the church. By reading the title I am sure some of you think you know exactly what I am going to say but perhaps you might be surprised if you continue to read.
A journalist at the Washington Times put it like this, “…judgment (holding people accountable to a standard we did not create) and judgmentalism (thinking ourselves morally superior because we haven’t committed the acts of others).”
Let me spell out an example before I continue. A child is born into a Christian family. That child is raised, going to church, Sunday school, memorizing verses and learning all the right answers. Everyone hence assumes that that child is a Christian and everything is hunky dori (Proverbs 22:6)
till that child becomes a young adult. 16, 17, 18, that young adult starts to question things but their parents most common answer is something to the effect of, we’ve been there, done that, we have learned what the truth is, take our word for it. I mean after all they have served up the truth to the young adult on a silver platter why in the world would they question anything that they were told is fact? (Proverbs 3:13-18) Wisdom on the other hand isn’t something that they are taught to seek for themselves. Insight goes as far as yes, no, and do as I said because I know best. So after a bit this young adult decides that they want to make their own decisions not dictated to them by their parents or the church goers around them. They want to be seen as an adult and yet they feel so trapped inside this bubble of decisions that are laid out in front of them and if they don’t make one of three choices they are disappointing so may people. So instead, they make some decisions simply based on emotion and what they want because after all, their life has shown that no matter what they do really…they get judged (Mathew 7: 3-5). They end up sleeping with their significant other lets say. they know it was a bad decision and they already feel guilty as all get out. This decision then raises all sorts of mayhem at home and in their home church body. Everyone is proverbially smacking them over their head with the Bible for what a terrible sin it was. The judgment is so thick you could cut it with a butter knife but no one bothers to really talk to the young adult about it without an agenda (2 Corinthians 2:7). So now seeing that what they felt was true that they aren’t allowed to make a mistake without getting completely torn to shreds for it they decide that the only place to get approval at all is outside the walls of their Church family. This just makes things escalate into a snowball that could destroy that young adult. They decide to move in with their significant other and all hell breaks loose again from the family and church. After some time the young adult realizes this person isn’t the best person to be with for any number of reasons but they try and stick it out because this person is their safety. everyone else has thrown their stones so there is no one else to go back to. Now the young adult feels trapped. They want approval and acceptance from the people they grew up with because the relationship isn’t working out the way that they had hoped in their naivete and they need something positive in their life. Because they are already screwing things up so badly they can’t just admit they were wrong and try and go back because they know they will be met with overwhelming amounts of judgment so they take the next logical step. Getting married. Yes that will solve everything. The church will approve of the relationship and getting married really is the one thing that says you are an adult right? so they get married. Now they are bound into a relationship that they know is for life but within moths life goes back to the way it was. The relationship is going down hill fast but they can’t tell anyone because after all they are making better decisions now.
till that child becomes a young adult. 16, 17, 18, that young adult starts to question things but their parents most common answer is something to the effect of, we’ve been there, done that, we have learned what the truth is, take our word for it. I mean after all they have served up the truth to the young adult on a silver platter why in the world would they question anything that they were told is fact? (Proverbs 3:13-18) Wisdom on the other hand isn’t something that they are taught to seek for themselves. Insight goes as far as yes, no, and do as I said because I know best. So after a bit this young adult decides that they want to make their own decisions not dictated to them by their parents or the church goers around them. They want to be seen as an adult and yet they feel so trapped inside this bubble of decisions that are laid out in front of them and if they don’t make one of three choices they are disappointing so may people. So instead, they make some decisions simply based on emotion and what they want because after all, their life has shown that no matter what they do really…they get judged (Mathew 7: 3-5). They end up sleeping with their significant other lets say. they know it was a bad decision and they already feel guilty as all get out. This decision then raises all sorts of mayhem at home and in their home church body. Everyone is proverbially smacking them over their head with the Bible for what a terrible sin it was. The judgment is so thick you could cut it with a butter knife but no one bothers to really talk to the young adult about it without an agenda (2 Corinthians 2:7). So now seeing that what they felt was true that they aren’t allowed to make a mistake without getting completely torn to shreds for it they decide that the only place to get approval at all is outside the walls of their Church family. This just makes things escalate into a snowball that could destroy that young adult. They decide to move in with their significant other and all hell breaks loose again from the family and church. After some time the young adult realizes this person isn’t the best person to be with for any number of reasons but they try and stick it out because this person is their safety. everyone else has thrown their stones so there is no one else to go back to. Now the young adult feels trapped. They want approval and acceptance from the people they grew up with because the relationship isn’t working out the way that they had hoped in their naivete and they need something positive in their life. Because they are already screwing things up so badly they can’t just admit they were wrong and try and go back because they know they will be met with overwhelming amounts of judgment so they take the next logical step. Getting married. Yes that will solve everything. The church will approve of the relationship and getting married really is the one thing that says you are an adult right? so they get married. Now they are bound into a relationship that they know is for life but within moths life goes back to the way it was. The relationship is going down hill fast but they can’t tell anyone because after all they are making better decisions now.
I’ll stop there with the detailed explanation but I am sure you can see the spiral that this sets off. the marriage doesn’t last, they seek comfort in wordly ways and all the while the church is sitting back, watching and judging, calling out their condemnation never trying to truly understand that young person.
Sometimes the relationship seems to do fine but that young person ends up alienated from the people that should be there for them no matte what…right?
I say all of this because I have seen it happen on several occasions. It even happened to me. Sure it wasn’t in the same way as the example but it happened over and over again in my life with other things. I was addicted to pornography for 9 years but I never got help really even from those who knew. I was disciplined, my internet access cut off, and then it was never spoken of again. I found ways though to get around the safe guards, an addict always does. I just wish I had felt safe enough to be able to go to someone and cry out and ask for help because I desperately wanted it but I was terrified. I saw how the church reacted to people with sexual sins and how much judgment they got covered with and I couldn’t handle that so I quietly fed my addiction even though I hated it. It had been my decision to look at the first porn sight when I was 13 and it was my decision every time after that but it was their (the church body around me) decision to walk out their faith in such a way that made them unapproachable and made me wonder if I wanted to serve a God that handed out condemnation so unreservedly through flawed human beings.
We are absolutely commanded to call out sin as we see it using out better judgment to know what is right and wrong in accordance to the word of God but we are also commanded to love without reservation and to not judge the person before us because IT IS NOT OUR PLACE. Why is the lifestyle of judgmentalism so prevalent in the church? If someone had said to me, “I know you know what you are doing is wrong so how can I help you?” that would have made such a difference in how I viewed Christianity for so long. Even if I hadn’t taken them up on their offer right then, if they had laid it out as an offer that I could pick up when I was ready to and then they loved me no differently even knowing I had this festering mold in my life. They wouldn’t be condoning that growing blackness but they would be loving me with the love of Christ till I was ready to take the hand of Jesus and be led to cleansed holiness. Why does it seem that so many in the church today feel the only way that anyone will hear the truth is to be harsh and have such a stuck up holy answer for things? To the leaders of the faith absolutely and Jesus displayed that they should be called out in a whole other manor than the congregation. Am I wrong?
About The Author
